(1) Working Title: Kristi with a "C"
Two years ago, this November 7th, I had my thyroid removed. Cancer. Ever since then I've wanted to write about it, but wasn't quite sure where to start or even what the purpose would be. I hate making a big deal out of it because according to my surgeon, if you're going to get cancer, this is the kind you want...What? That's a weird thing to say. I'd prefer to call it the lesser of two evils. No one wants cancer. No one even likes to hear the word cancer. The sound of it spoken aloud is almost malignant. But anyway, Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma is apparently common and "no big deal" in the grand scheme of things, and I don't like to let it define me. Most people don't even know that I ever had cancer and I like it that way. But as far as writing goes, there's a certain emotional process that you go through, that I wasn't aware of until months after my surgery thinking back on the sequence of events. That's what I'd write about. The shock, the denial, the anger, the fear, and the survival. Cancer changes perspective.
(2) No title yet
Pursuing a Master's Degree was always a dream of mine, but never a reality. I had never even considered it a real possibility until someone else planted the idea in my head that I was wasting precious time. How I got to grad school is a severely complicated story that began last September when I got engaged. After the first two weeks of excitement wore off, I hated being engaged, loathed it. Everyone says it's a happy time and planning a wedding is SO GREAT. It's not. Or at least it wasn't for me; it was torture. In January, I reconnected with a friend from middle school (who I hadn't seen in thirteen years) who listened to me vent on more than one occasion about where my life was going (or wasn't going). And after listening to all of his stories about travelling the world and starting his own business, he asked me if I was happy. I wasn't, or was I? I wasn't sure. I thought about the first 27 years of his life and compared them to my first 27 years and thought, "What the hell am I doing wrong?" The person that I saw in the mirror every morning wasn't the person that I wanted to be; it was the person I settled for. I became complacent and mediocre. Where was the girl who talked her parents into letting her travel to Europe when she was fifteen? All senses of adventure had disappeared without me realizing it. What I was doing wrong was staying in an eight year relationship that I wasn't 100% invested in. I was wasting precious time, mine and his. Of course, everything is more complicated than it seems, and I was not only feeling completely inspired by my middle school friend, but also started to have feelings for him. This came as a COMPLETE SHOCK to me because of how much I hated him when we were younger. But, thirteen years is a long time and people change. What I'd focus on is the process in which situations and circumstances change, the influence that one human being can have on another and how inspiration and one person's support can breed unbelievable courage in another.
I have a feeling I would need to use some serious flashbacks and segmenting here in order to portray the complete story without having to write a novel.
Just wow. Cancer does change perspectives drastically on life, and how we see it--and I can't even imagine the struggles you've faced. If you made a CNF piece out of that I think it would be inspiring to folks who can imagine it. Kristi with a C? Perfect title.
ReplyDeleteBut you know, I feel like your second idea would be a stunning read. That aha moment when you realize that enough is enough--when it's clear we only really get to do this once and we should forge ahead the way we choose and not always the way we come to expect? I would read the hell out of that. Can't wait to see what you draft. :)
Thanks, Nikki! :)
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